PMT

I'm sure that some of us girls might just recognise themselves in this little ditty.

Men beware!










A man asks: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?


Woman answers: One!!! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!

They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They'd sit there in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!!

And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS!

But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find the bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!!

BECAUSE NO-ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE RUBBISH!!!!

IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!

IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!.....................




...........I'm sorry. What was your question?

Crazy Frog Strikes Again!

Is there no end to this?

This poor man has just found out that on there is now an album out, featuring the frog singing such classics as 'the theme to Dallas'!

How much more can we take?

Training Memo from 'The Management'

Special High Intensity Training

I thought this would amuse both Trainers and Trainees alike!

See what you think.

SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

Latest training notification.

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T)

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list, and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S. H. I. T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S. H. I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to take S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job teaching others.We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T).
This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)

Suprise yourself!

Speak Chinese in seconds!



Just say the words as they are written


English phrase: I think you need a facelift

Chinese phrase: Chin Tu Fat


English: See me ASAP

Chinese: Kum Hia Nao


English: Stupid Man

Chinese: Dum Gai


English: Small horse

Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni


English: I bumped into a coffee table

Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni


English: It’s very dark in here

Chinese: Wai So Dim


English: This is a tow-away zone

Chinese: No Pah King


English: You are not very bright

Chinese: Yu So Dim


See, it's easier than you think!

Frustration!

Arrrggghhh!!!

This picture just about sums up how I'm feeling right now.

I'm presently waiting to see an orthopaedic consultant about a fusion operation on my lower back, and have been for months. I've just heard that 'due to circumstances beyond their control' that the appointment scheduled back in April this year has had to be cancelled! No further date has been suggested either!

So much for the new National Health Service waiting time targets eh!

Promises, promises!

Drunkeness reaches fever pitch!

Just look at what those squirrels have started. Now it seems that every creature is giving the achohol buzz a whirl. It's just a shame that they don't have the same strong constitution as the squirrels do!

They'll all feel pretty damn rough in the morning!

Secret Squirrels?

Love them or hate them, you can't deny that squirrels are very clever little creatures.

I fill up the bird feeders with nuts, only to find that as soon as my back is turned they decend like locusts upon them before the birds get a look in! They even get into the 'squirrel-proof' feeder!
But hey, if they can drink beer with a straw they must be ok, and can come into my garden anytime they like!

One of life's little mysteries

Something to ponder on

Why is it that when you wash wool it shrinks, but if sheep get caught out in the rain they don't?

Who knows?

Computer Virus?

See what happens if you catch a computer virus!

You have been warned.

You too could look like this if you sit at your pc for too long!

That Damn Frog!

Finally, justice is served!

Does this pesky little frog get on anyone elses nerves?

The little blighter seems to be everywhere, and I've just heard that there's an album coming out now as well!

Is there no escape?

I sincerely hope so.